A startling realization hit last night, the impact of being solo poly means I will most likely die alone.
Last evening, I had some feeling of unease, like my heart was racing and couldn’t keep up. My shoulder hurt, my legs felt heavy and I couldn’t focus. Tossing on my pulse oxyometer, it showed a low o2 sat, and my heart going about 100 bpm.
Shit. This might be it. My father , his family , had terrible history with heart problems. Here I sit , middle of my years old, about to kick the can.
And there was no one in the house for me to call to.
My solo poly is by choice. I choose to be in a relationship with an amazing human, who has a really excellent husband. They’ve been together almost 2 decades, and I’ve been lucky enough to get to know both of them.
I choose the relationships I do, because they are amazing and fit me well.
It’s in the hard times that I am faced with the realization that my choices, will leave me ever alone in the quiet times.
The ability to grow a life with someone(s) else is precious, and it doesn’t always look the way you think it should.
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